Little coincidences
by JoeCarol
Summary: We've gone through so much you and I, but I hope that we can still see each other the same way as we did before.
1. The Birthday Present

**1985**

**June**

Dean Winchester didn't particularly like birthday parties, but when he got invited to the big fancy house with a pool he couldn't be more than excited. He knew the boy who lived there from pre-school, but they had never talked. He'd just seen him around once or twice. The boy wasn't there very often. But when Castiel's mom had asked Dean's parents if they could all come, they had said yes. Part of it because they had an interesting car that John wanted to take a look at.

Dean was not sure what to get the boy. Because he knew his parents didn't have much money at the time, since Mary had lost her job at the hospital, something his parents were not late to mention. So he knew he had to pick something that cost under 6$, and what could you buy for 6$? It all resulted in Dean thinking too much about it. So the day before the party, he decided to go for a chocolate bar and just hope that the boy wasn't to spoiled to appreciate it.

"Mom, can we go now? Can we go now pleeeeaaaseee?" Dean asked for the fifth time and tried to pull his mom towards the door. Mary laughed as she put the last plate into the cabinet and turned around to face her son.

"Well okay. But we'll likely be the first ones to arrive." She warned, "So don't run around too much, so you and that Caelum boy will be all tired when the others show up." She looked in his eyes and they both knew that she was thinking about the time when Dean had went to another boy's birthday party, to which they had arrived one hour early. It had ended with them both falling asleep on the couch, due to exhaustion after running around playing catch for forty-five minuets and eating too much candy.

"Yes mom! Of course. I promise." Dean answered and ran up the stairs to go get his dad.

Ten minuets later they were on their way to the Caelum household, John with Sam in his arms and Mary holding Dean's hand so that he wouldn't run ahead. Dean felt a bit embarrassed walking like that. He was already six years old, which meant that he was a big boy and could walk by himself. He hoped that Sammy at least wouldn't do anything stupid, like cry. He remembered how embarrassing it had been the time Sam lost his shoe and cried for two hours - before they found it in a bucket, which he had filled with sand - and sighed.

The house grew bigger and bigger as they came closer. It was a little larger and fancier than the rest of the houses on the street, which made a lot of the people walking by look at it and think: 'Those annoying rich people thinking they're so much better than us!'

It had a pool and on the driveway stood a brand new, red car. John whistled with impression and walked up to it. He put Sam down so he could go and play and then went to ask Mr. Caelum about the car.

Dean, who had gotten out of his mom's grip, ran to the other children (It turned out they weren't the first ones there) and quickly introduced himself to them. He had always been good at talking with people and making new friends was not a difficult task. Then he went over to the birthday-boy, who for some reason was not standing by the other kids. He did not look especially happy.

"Hi... Castar was it?" Dean said with a smile and held out a hand.

"No," the boy answered, not moving. "It's Castiel."

"Oh."

Dean lowered his hand and looked down, a bit embarrassed. He stood like that for a while, until he realized Castiel wasn't going to say anything.

"Um... So... Why are you so sad? It's your birthday!"

Castiel was quiet for a while.

"I uh..."

It was barely noticeable, but Dean could see that he glanced quickly at his mother.

"Soo... Don't wanna talk about it huh? Well, I'll go join the others then." Dean said and stared to walk away.

Castiel still didn't move and Dean suddenly felt bad and turned around. It was the boy's birthday; he should at least try to cheer him up a little.

"Come on! It'll be fun. We can play tag. I'll start!"

Castiel looked surprised at Dean's sudden suggestion, but after thinking about it he started to walk towards him.

"Okay!" He said as he started running.

Dean smiled when he saw that Castiel's sad face was gone. They ran around playing for a while and then, after all of the invited kids had arrived, they all jumped into the pool.

"It's time to eat and open the presents!" Mrs. Caelum yelled and put down a big cake on the table. The kids ran out of the pool and looked very eager to start eating, so they were all soon seated. Mrs. Caelum looked a little worried when she saw the water drip down at the expensive cushions on the chairs, but the warm sun had soon dried both those and the kids.

When the cake was eaten and they all had sung 'Happy birthday' to an embarrassed Castiel it was time for the present opening. Dean fingered nervously at the little gift in his hands when he saw all the other big ones that the kids had put in front if Castiel.

_They are probably toys... Why would he like my stupid gift if everything else he gets is toys? _Dean thought to himself.

He wished he had come up with something else to give Castiel. Anything would be better than candy. A rich boy like Castiel could easily buy all the candy he wanted.

So when Castiel's dad looked at him with a smile and said: "Now lets see what Dean's got you!" he swallowed nervously and stood up with his small hands shaking a bit.

Castiel didn't look especially happy, even though the pile of toys on his side was almost as big as himself. All of them were still in their boxes, Dean noticed. He thought that was a little strange, because at his place, and all the other parties he'd, not so happily, been to, the gifts were taken out of the boxes as soon as you got them and was played with for the rest of the day. This place was certainly different.

All this ran through Dean's head in the few steps he needed to take before getting to Castiel's seat, and when he got there his palms were very sweaty. "Happy Birthday Castiel!" He said with a forced, small smile. All he could think about was that Castiel would not like his gift. And why did he care so much? He'd never been so anxious before in his life. And now he was here, hands shaky as he held out the wrapped chocolate bar.

Castiel looked a little confused at the size of the present and Dean's heart sank down to the ground. But he opened it quickly and when he saw what it was his eyes grew big. "You... you don't like it..." Dean mumbled and felt like he was going to cry. He slowly turned around trying not to show his feelings to the other kids. "No!" Castiel said loudly, Dean turned around, surprised. Castiel's voice didn't sound angry or disappointed and when Dean saw his face it had a big smile. "I like it! Thank you! Thank you so much!" He said and then he jumped off his chair to give Dean a quick hug. Dean was so chocked that he barely managed to move enough to respond to it. Castiel then turned to his mother with a superior and arrogant smile. It was gone as quickly as it came, but it confused Dean. Because what was so special about a chocolate bar?

"Mom?" Castiel asked.

Dean could see that Mrs. Caelum had noticed Castiel's face. She straightened her back and looked at Castiel with cold eyes but just as Castiel's smile it was gone in a second.

"Yes, Dear." She answered with a lovely smile.

"Can I eat the chocolate now? Please?" He asked, innocence in his voice.

"Can't you save it for later? You have already had so much sweets today!" She answered still smiling, but her eyes gave Castiel a hard look.

"But I just wanna have one bite!" Castiel said, not raising his voice, but Mrs. Caelum reached out and took the chocolate bar from him. Dean could feel a strange tension between the two and wondered if anyone else had noticed, but after Dean and Castiel's hug the kids had all started talking, since there were no more presents to give, and no one really seemed to care about what was happening at the front of the table.

"Castiel you heard me the..." Mrs. Caelum started, but Castiel's dad put a hand on her shoulder and with a smile took Dean's gift away from her. He then gave it back to Castiel.

"Come on Honey. Give the kid a break! It's his birthday after all."

Mrs. Caelum looked a bit angry at first but then she sighed and the same, lovely smile as before appeared on her lips.

"I guess you're right Chuck."

She gave him a tired kiss and walked away to talk to some other parents, but just before she turned around Dean saw her give Castiel a look. A look that said: "This isn't over."

Castiel smiled and thanked his dad by giving him a hug. He then started to open the plastic around the chocolate bar and looked up at Dean.

"Wanna have a bite?"

He looked at Dean as the silent war between him and his mom had never happened. It seemed as something like what Dean had just witnessed was nothing new and it made him even more confused about the family, but it didn't feel right to ask. They'd only just met each other. More or less. So he just said "Sure." and let it be.

Castiel and Dean sat in silence for a while, eating pieces of the chocolate. The other kids were running around playing on the lawn or swimming in the pool. Dean could hear those ones playing Marco Polo and he hoped that he would not have to join them. Closing his eyes in water scared him, though he would never admit it to anyone. He was much happier sitting with Castiel in the sun. They actually started talking after a while. Dean spoke the most but he learned a little about Castiel. Like that he had three much older brothers and that he liked to play board games.

* * *

Mary stopped listening to the conversation between Abbadon and Castiel's parents and looked over to her younger son. He was sitting on the lawn by John's feet, violently tearing up grass and throwing it away with his small hands, seemingly bored. It was no one in his age here and she realized that he probably wanted to go home and play with his own toys. She was actually getting pretty bored herself. All she had talked about with people today was work, work and once again work. It seemed like it was all that the parents here cared about. What they worked with, what they wanted their children to work with and what education that would be necessary for that to happen. It was like they had already decided their children's futures even though they were only five or six years old. It made her so tired to listen to people who didn't seem to care what their children thought, and she had spend most of her time at the party getting irritated about everything they said and hoping that the parents would come to their senses. She walked up to John, who was talking with Mrs. Shirley, and patted him on the shoulder.

"I think it's time to go home honey," she said with a low voice, "Sammy is getting tired and I can't stand being with these people for any longer."

John nodded. He also wanted to go home. He'd already heard everything people had to say, both once an twice, and the things they'd told him about cars were either wrong, or he already knew them. He gave a short nod to Mrs. Shirley as a 'Thanks for the conversation but now I need to leave' and took Sam in his arms. Mary was already on her way to get Dean.

"Hi there buddy, we're gonna go home now, and for dinner it'll be Spaghetti Bolognese, your favorite!" Sam enthusiastically clapped with his hands and gave his father a big smile.

"Getti! I wuw getti!" He laughed.

John laughed too when he saw his son's happy face. He never understood how he could ever have gotten this lucky.

* * *

When they all were seated for dinner John and Mary talked as usual about the day. If Mary had found any jobs and how it was with the cars John fixed for people. Both Sam and Dean sat quiet eating their food. One of them made more of a mess than the other, while the other silently wished for him to grow up. After a while the birthday party came up and Mary turned to Dean.

"Did you have fun today?" She asked with a smile. Dean just poked around in his food, not looking at his mother.

"Yeah... I guess it was fun."

"Guess? I think it looked like you had a great time!" John said and gave Dean an appreciating pat on the shoulder.

"Mm."

"Did he like the present?" Mary asked and stroke Dean's hair.

"Yeah, he loved it!" Dean said and smiled. "We ate it together, he was very nice."

"Even though it was a stupid gift." He quietly added.

"That's good! Maybe you can meet again some time!" John said, happy that Dean seemed to have made a friend.

"Yeah I guess he can come to my birthday party next year or something." Dean muttered.

He didn't really want Castiel to come to his house, since it was so different from Castiel's and he worried what he would think. He barely knew Castiel and it would feel weird to have him home with him.

He also didn't want it because he felt like Castiel's mom was going to do something, say something. He was still not over her and Castiel's fight and he found that she scared him a little. Though he didn't know why, except that Castiel didn't seem to like her.

"That's a great idea!" Mary said and smiled even wider.

"Mm." Dean answered and stared down at his pasta. For the first time he didn't feel that excited to turn seven.


	2. The Apartment

**2000**

**November**

"So yeah. This is mine now!" Dean said, voice echoing against the plain walls. He walked into the empty apartment and Castiel followed, looking eager to see the first glimpse of where they would start a life together.

The walls were white and a warm light was shining through the big windows. The floor was some kind of wooden-panels and in the kitchen and bathroom it was marble.

"It's not big, but it's not too small." Castiel said as he slowly walked around the two-room apartment. "It will definitely do."

"Yeah I'd have thought so. 'Soon as we clean it up you can get out of that place!" Dean said as put his hands together and rubbed them against each other. Just to indicate how excited and ready he was for this.

Though he was nervous and a bit worried. Castiel was used to manage by himself, but Dean had always lived with his family and this was a big step in life, one, which he wasn't sure, he was ready to take.

"Yes. It is only unfortunate what happened so that you could get this apartment." Castiel said as he walked into the small kitchen and opened all the cabinets, one by one. "But I guess 'One man's death is the other man's bread' as they say."

He walked back to Dean, who looked at him with the expression he always made when Castiel said something he considered weird.

"Yeah... Not creepy at all." Dean said and gestured to the door. "I guess we go get our stuff then. We can move in tonight."

Castiel tilted his head to the side and looked at Dean with his stunningly blue eyes, which made Dean almost blush and turn away his head.

"If by 'stuff' you mean 'possessions' I thought you knew that I don't really own, well… anything."

"What, really? Not even a bed?"

"The bed belongs to them, and as far as I know the toothbrush and lamp too."

"Wow… Um, that's… I didn't know that. But you work… That's-"

"Don't." Castiel interrupted and hurried out the door without looking back. "See you next week."

Just like that he was gone.

Dean didn't move. Not really getting what had just happened.

He wished that he could just have shut up. Because he knew it was something he'd said.

He knew Castiel had been living in bad conditions, but he had never imagined them to be this bad. He didn't even seem to own a book. Castiel, who had loved to read and had done it all the time when they were younger, didn't own a single book! Dean suddenly realized that he didn't know Castiel that well anymore. He barely knew anything about what had happened to him these three years. He still remembered that small, introvert, bright young boy as Castiel. But he had grown up now. Dean could see that. Who knew what Castiel had experienced, who he was turning into?

Dean suddenly feared that they had been apart for too long.

_What if he's lost to me? What if I can't get him back? _He thought, but he pushed it aside. _This time I won't screw it up. I can't screw up._

He went into the kitchen and closed the doors too the cabinets which hadn't closed properly. They were a bit old and the magnets on some of them had stopped working. Dean hoped that he would remember to fix that.

He walked out of the apartment and down the stairs but there was no sight of Castiel. He was probably long gone given by how fast he had gone away. Dean was still amazed about how he had managed to find him here. Almost the same as he left him, working at a small café, still not fulfilling his dreams. Or well not left, he had always promised himself that he would find him again, even if it would have been fifty years in the future. And now he had found the time and strength to do so.

He had never thought that Castiel would still live here. He had thought that as soon as he turned 18 he would run off to college and never look back. But he hadn't and that made Dean annoyingly happy. He should be sad that Castiel was not living his dreams and learning thing and meeting new people, maybe get a better boyfriend than Dean ever was. But he could only feel happiness. He had finally found Castiel. After all the searching on different collage websites and asking the social services (Which he of course got nothing out of) he had found him here. In a city which could have been any other. Just that his apartment was here. And so was Castiel, still.

He sat down in the Impala to drive the one and a half hour way home, to tell his father that he would move in here. He would pack his stuff and then they would transport it all here.

It was just how he would get all Castiel's things that worried him,

Dean didn't have that much money but a toothbrush would be easy to get. To convince his father to give or buy him another bed would be another thing.

Castiel hurried out of the grey, boring house and made his way into the small town. His hands were shaking as he reached down in his pocket to feel the calming, cylindrical shape of what he needed.

He put it to his mouth and, when the lighter had put it on fire, he inhaled deeply and felt the familiar sense of relieve as soon as the nicotine kicked in.

_This was a bad idea._ He thought and exhaled, forming a cloud of smoke in front of him, which soon were blown away by the strong wind.

Castiel had hoped that after being apart for thee, fucking years, his feelings for Dean would have faded. But nope, there he turns up at the café looking just as stunning as he always did and in a second Castiel came crawling back to him.

Hi, how've you been?

Fine thanks.

_Please, Dean, don't leave me again_.

Of course I can move in with you.

_I love you._

Sure, we can go looking at it right away. No problem. I'll just tell my boss I will work overtime some day to make it up for this.

_I would do anything for you!_

"Pathetic." Castiel muttered as he put the lighter back in his pocket, both to it and himself. He knew that he should spend his money on better things than cigarettes, like 'stuff' as Dean had said. It made Castiel even angrier to think about it.

_"Not even a bed? But you work…"_

"I know that! But I spend my money on this instead. I can't help it. And what are you gonna do about it? You fucking left me! And that is all I have had since then! Fucking cigarettes! 'Spend your money on better things Castiel.' 'You will end up homeless if you keep doing what you do.' And you know, that's all I've ever heard. You know that. And still you're surprised. Like you wanted something from me. Like you expected me to have turned out better than I am." Castiel suddenly shouted. But there was no one who listened. Though that was good, he did not want to shout at just anyone.

He wanted to shout that to him.

But then again, he did not want to lose Dean again. And he was probably just overreacting. All he had said was "Not even a bed." Right?

He was not disappointed.

Not him too.

Right?

He took the buss that stopped a few blocks away from Dean's apartment. Their apartment.

He went off not far from the café. Maybe if he went back now he wouldn't have to work that overtime.


	3. Visiting Friends

**1986**

**January**

Castiel babbled on about some book that would be released this week, but Dean couldn't listen. He was to busy worrying about his house.

Was his room cleaned?

Had Sammy gotten home and made a mess in the living room?

Would Cas laugh about how small and not-in-any-way-fancy it was?

Why had he agreed to let him go home with him? He could have said no and let Cas go home to Garth instead, who had also asked but gotten shot down.

"No, I'm gonna play with Dean today." Castiel had said. Garth had looked incredibly lonely for a second, until that happy smile came back again, as it always did. And he always got shot down. Dean almost felt bad for him. Maybe he should ask Garth next time even though he didn't really like the boy.

"So what are we gonna do at your place?" Castiel asked and brought Dean back to reality. He blinked a couple of times and then shrugged.

"I don't know. We don't really have that much stuff at our place." He mumbled, embarrassed. They only had the free channels on the TV and the newest toys he had mostly came from Happy-Meals from McDonald's.

"I have two swords so we can play knights. But we have to be outside because Mom doesn't want a mess inside…

He whispered and pointed at Mary walking in front of them. She turned around and smiled when she heard Dean talking about her.

"Do you boys want some sandwiches when we get home? I can make some if you want." She said and slowed down to walk beside them.

"Yeah sure!" Dean said and smiled back, "Do you want something Castiel?"

Castiel looked down on the ground, not really sure what to say. Dean saw his look and worried that he thought that sandwiches was a really lame and boring food and would say no.

Castiel looked up at Mary a little nervously.

"Yes, please, Mrs. Winchester!" He answered and Dean could breath out. He really didn't like how worried he got all the time, and it was also kind of exhausting. But he shook that feeling of as he got an idea.

"Oh! Mom? Could you make us some hot chocolate too. The one with marshmallows? It's really cold outside. Pleeeeease?"

Dean made his puppy eyes, which made Castiel laugh, and Mary could not do anything else than say yes.

"Of course I can. But only if you play outside for an hour."

"Sure. I promise." Dean said and then grabbed Castiel's hand. They ran towards their house to get the swords and Castiel followed Dean with excitement. He had never actually been to Dean's house before and he was sure it would be great. Because Dean was great and also the best friend he'd ever had. Not that he'd really have that much time to make friends, but he liked Dean and he liked Mrs. Winchester and when he got into the house he realized that he would like that too. It was really cozy and not as cold and big as his. There was a lot of noises too; The TV was on, you could hear what Castiel guessed was the dishwashing machine from the kitchen and, what he guessed was Sam playing in the living room with… a dog.

When he heard the noises from the hall he ran to them, tail wagging from side to side.

"Hey there Bones! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" Dean said and petted the small dog on the head as he tried to climb up Dean's legs. Bones was not bigger than a puppy and Castiel found him very cute. When he came to Castiel and sniffed suspiciously at him Castiel turned to Dean.

"Can I pet him?" He asked.

"Sure!"

Castiel bent down and carefully put his and on the dog's head. He was almost scared to break it, because he knew he was good at breaking things. The light brown fur felt soft against his fingers and he stroke his hand down the dog's back very lightly. But Bones was fine and he licked Castiel's hand before walking back to Sam, tail still wagging as a sign of happiness.

"Nice dog." He said to Dean, who nodded.

"Yeah he's like two years old… Or something."

"Mhm."

"C'mon, let's go play!" Dean said and ran up to his room.

They found the swords in a drawer and started the battle on the way down the stairs. When they finally went inside again it was because Mary called on them to come in and eat, and by then they had been out for more than two hours.

"Come, knight. The enemies are defeated and we can… eat nice food" Dean told Sir Castiel as they started moving towards the door.

"Indeed. Let us feast brave soldier." Castiel answered and they both laughed as they went inside, kicking of the snow from their shoes. Their cheeks were red from the cold and John put their clothes on a radiator to dry.

"Here's your sandwiches. The hot chocolate's on the table." Mary said and gave them each a plate.

"Thanks."

"Thanks Mrs. Winchester." Castiel said

"Please. Call me Mary, Cas."

"Okay, Mrs… I mean Mary."

They sat down by the dinner table where there stood three cups and laid lot of newspapers.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked his mom as he took the first sip of his chocolate. It was wonderful and sweet and as good as it always was.

"I'm looking for jobs." Mary answered with a sad smile. She still hadn't found much and the ones she applied to never called back for an interview. She was almost getting desperate, because she could not handle being home all day doing nothing.

"You can find jobs in newspapers?" Dean asked with big eyes. He only knew that the paper contained a lot of sad things, which his mom and dad often talked about, so the new information about it was really interesting.

"Yes. Or you can go to a special place to talk to a person who can help you."

"Okay." Dean said, not interested anymore, and turned to Castiel, who had a frowned face and not looked happy at all.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"It's pickles on this sandwich. I don't like pickles." He whispered back, glancing at Mary with fear and took another bite, which made him frown even more.

"Why don't you just put them on the side?"

"You can't do that!" Still whispering.

"Um… Yeah you can. Just do it." Dean wondered what the hell was up. They were just pickles. Was he super allergic or something?

"No!"

"Mom!"

"No what are you doing?" Castiel looked scared to death as Dean's mom looked up.

"Yes, honey?"

"Castiel doesn't like pickles. He can take them off right?"

By now Castiel's face was almost white but seemed unable to speak a word.

"Sure he can." Mary answered and gave Castiel a short smile. Then she got back to her newspaper.

"I told you so!" Dean said with a proud smile and turned to Castiel.

"What, but…?" Castiel whispered to himself. His body was starting to relax again, but he looked like someone who had just been through one of the worst moments of his life.

And it was just pickles, Dean thought.

"Don't… Don't do that again please." He said and looked down on his sandwich like it was an alien. He slowly moved his hand to it and lifted up the slice of bread on top. Then he lowered the other, shaking a bit, to one of the pickles. He poked it away and then the two others just as slowly.

"Well done." Dean muttered, already finished with his and ready to play some more.

Castiel put back the slice of bread on top and carefully put it to his mouth and took a bite. When no one stopped him or said anything he took another bite, and then another.

When he was finished he gave Dean a big smile and stood up to face Mary.

"Thank you very much for the sandwich Mary. It was very pleasant. If you don't mind I will go now." Then he turned back to Dean.

Mary looked very surprised but happy, she was not used to meet such well-behaved children. But the pickles-thing still worried her too.

"Wanna play some more?" Dean asked as he put away his plate.

"Mhm." Castiel answered and they ran up to Dean's room. They played with some superheroes. Dean was Batman and Castiel chose Spiderman and they rescued the made up town of Gothparker.

When they both went to sleep that night their dreams were only seconds away.

**February.**

"Thanks for the armor again. It was really cool!"

"Yeah I know! Maybe we could play with it after dinner!" Castiel jumped down the last stairs and hurried down to the dinner table. It was his first time eating at Dean's house but this time he wasn't worried. He knew Castiel better now and he knew that he didn't care about how Dean lived.

Dean put his knife and fork in the fish to get a big bite. He really didn't like salmon but he was really hungry and he knew it wasn't possible for him to get something else to eat.

"Wait! Are we not going to say grace?" Castiel asked and put his hand over Dean's looking a bit worried.

"Well… We don't say grace in this family unless it's thanksgiving or Christmas," John answered and gave Castiel an apologizing look.

"But then the food wont taste good and turn into gross worms!" Castiel's face turned white. "Do you eat worms?"

Mary and John gave each other an understanding look. As Castiel and Dean started arguing weather that was true or not Mary and John lowered their voices.

"I knew there was something with his parents!" John said and quietly slammed his hand in the table.

"That might not be true. What if he's just had a nightmare?" Mary argued.

"Or is schizophrenic?" John said and rolled his eyes. Mary gave him a that-was-not-okay- look.

"It's not our business. Unless we would realize that Castiel is in trouble. And he looks fine!" She mumbled.

"Yeah, but our house or rules." John opposed.

Mary sighed and turned to the boys.

"Okay! Dean, Cas, stop fighting please." She said with a loud voice. Castiel and Dean turned quiet as they faced her.

"Okay. Cas, if it makes you uncomfortable to not say grace, we will do it." Castiel smiled and thanked her.

"But only today." John added. "If you eat with us some other time you will follow our rules. Is that understood?"

Castiel looked a bit frightened but nodded.

After they had said grace Dean could finally start with his disgusting fish.

**April**

Castiel opened the door to his huge house and they both went in cleaning their shoes before they took them off as Castiel had told Dean to do.

"This is the first floor. There are two more. Mine is on the next floor and Mother and dad's room are down here. Don't go in there. We are also not allowed on the third floor." Castiel explained as they walked to what Dean guessed was the kitchen. He found it weird not to be allowed into a whole floor, but home they just had two so maybe that wasn't so weird. It was like the basement, he couldn't go there. Especially not around Christmas.

"Wow!" Dean said as he they came into the kitchen. It was the most modern and expensive room he had ever seen. The floor was black marble and all the machines were new and shining in white, black or grey. The stove didn't look like anything he had ever seen before and the microwave almost seemed like some alien technology.

The dinner table was in dark, shining mahogany and the chairs were very comfortable.

This was like a home from heaven. He could barely wait to see what they had in their fridge.

"Dad?" Castiel shouted and was not late answered by a "Yes!"

"Can you help us get some food? I cant reach!" He said and soon steps were heard from, what Dean guessed was, the stairs.

"Why don't you take one of the chairs?" Dean asked. Castiel looked at him like that was the dumbest question he had ever heard.

"It's not allowed to stand on the chairs. I might break them."

"Oh… Okay." Dean mumbled.

Castiel's dad entered the room in a grey suit and purple tie. He seemed to work, or soon going to it. Dean vaguely remembered him from Castiel's birthday party. He was tall, had brown, short hair and black glasses and a wide smile on his lips. He went straight up to Dean and held out a hand.

"Hello. I'm Chuck! Not sure if we've met yet. I'm Castiel's dad."

Dean took his hand and shook it as he said:

"I'm Dean."

Chuck then turned to Castiel.

"What did you want buddy?"

"We wanna have some milk and cereal. Can you get that for us?"

"Sure thing!" Chuck answered and opened the fridge, got out the milk, then reach to a cabinet and pulled out a box of cereal, two bowls, and a par of spoons from a drawer.

"Here you go!"

"Thanks dad!"

"You're welcome. Oh and… I'm working today." He said and hurried away. That was the last Dean saw of him all evening.

"What's he working with?" Dean asked as he took the milk and poured it into his bowl, since he guessed 'guests first' was a rule here too. Castiel didn't seem to mind.

"He's a writer… Or is at least trying to. He writes books for grownups."

"Cool. My dad is a mechanic!"

"A what?"

"He fixes broken cars so they work again."

"Cool. We have a car. Maybe he can fix it some time!"

"Yeah."

They sat in silence eating for a while, not really having that much to talk about. Dean was enjoying himself, feeling really happy to have a nice bowl of cereal again. Since his mom lost her job they had stopped buying unnecessary things and apparently that was one of them. Though he didn't complain. Sandwiches wasn't that bad.

"Do you wanna play a game?" Castiel when he'd finished eating and was on his way to put his bowl in the dishwasher.

"Sure, what is it?" Dean said as he did the same thing.

"It's called Super Mario, I got it from dad for Christmas! It's really cool."

"What's it about?"  
"You're this guy, Mario, and you are going to find a princess, I think she's called Pear of something, from an evil guy and you have do complete levels and you have a friend called toad and it's awesome!"

"Awesome! What is it? Like a board game or something?" Dean asked as they went into the enormous living room. There stood a huge, red sofa against one wall. The windows were extremely big, with fancy curtains, and you could see everything outside. There lay an expensive mat on the floor and on it was a table, in the same type of mahogany as the dinner-table, with a glass plate on. Castiel pointed at the sofa and Dean got seated.

"You play on this." Castiel explained and held up some sort of plastic box, which were wired in to one of the biggest TVs Dean had ever seen.

"Ni... Ninten... Nintendo Entertai... Entertainment... System." He read on the plastic box. He had no idea what it was but Castiel seemed exited so he was sure it would be great.

It turned out he was right and they played for hours. Dean wasn't sure if he'd ever had this much fun with Castiel before and he hoped it wasn't the last time.

They laughed as they died more than a hundred times and when Dean's dad came to get him he had to almost drag him out.

"Please just one more game!" They begged, and after letting them have their way four times, John finally forced Dean to go home with him. After all, they had school the next day.

"Bye! It was real fun!" Dean laughed.

"Yes, it was. See you tomorrow!"

And the door closed behind Castiel. As they drove away from the huge house Dean could see how another car drove up on Castiel's driveway. It was the same red one as he had seen on Castiel's birthday party and he guessed it was his mom coming home from work.

"What are you doing in school tomorrow?" John asked and quickly glanced at Dean in the backseat. He was not allowed in the front because 'he might break something' and it always made him angry to be reminded about it. The happiness he had felt just a second ago disappeared.

"Nothing special. We have stupid math."

"Why is it stupid? It will be great for your future, you know!" John tried with and encouraging voice.

"Yeah like it is to mom?" Dean asked sarcastically.

"She… She will find something soon." John vaguely assured him.

Dean just gave him a "Pffft." for answer and then they sat quiet for the rest of the car ride.


	4. The Grave

**2002**

**March**

"Are you going on a date?" Castiel asked and gestured at the flowers Dean had brought home. His expression was unreadable and Dean was not sure weather he was angry or not.

They were not together -Yet, as Dean liked to think- but there were signs. Subtle touches and looks that lasted longer than between two friends. Dean was silent for a moment, not sure how to answer. If he would manage.

"No, I… I um…" The words stuck in his throat. "I'm going to the grave."

To say it out loud made it awfully real once again, he had to swallow hard to prevent himself from crying, and he wished that he didn't have to feel this way each year. He had hoped that he would't have to go back there again but Sam had convinced him. _"It's been 10 years Dean, don't you think that we should at least give her some nice flowers?"_ He had had to say yes, even though he would rather have stayed home than going there. But that made him feel like a bad person, so he just stared down at the flowers trying to distract himself from every feeling. The petals were annoyingly yellow, but she it had been her favorite color. Or Dean thought it had been anyway...

Castiel gasped and took a step back. His eyes filled with a look of both sadness and anger at the same time.

"I forgot. How could I forget?" He whispered and hurried to give Dean a hug. Dean could only wrap his arms around Castiel and inhale the comforting smell of him, trying to hold it together. He finally had someone near him who understood. _Truly _understood. Sam had been too young at the time and everyone else had just been... silent.

"It's been ten years now." He almost whispered, but he knew that Castiel knew. They had been through this together and for a moment he had almost forgot that too.

So much had changed, but still so little. And when the tears started streaming down his face he held on tighter to Castiel. He never wanted to let go. Ever.

He could feel Castiel starting to shake beneath him and soon they were sobbing in each other's arms. Somehow trying to fill up the void of a long gone, but still very present, human being. It had been a decade and for Dean, it still felt so fresh.

Castiel held on tighter and buried his arms in Dean's shoulder. Dean tried not to acknowledge what it made him feel and for once, it went very easily. "I am sorry… I am so, so sorry." Castiel whispered between his sobs.

Dean froze.

He reluctantly pulled away and looked deep down in his friend's eyes. Those beautiful tear filled eyes looking almost worried. But Dean would never blame him. But it hurt him to know that Castiel_ still_ blamed himself. How could he?

He sighed and put his hands on Castiel's shoulders.

"Don't be. It was not your fault. Please"

He had said it so many times before and he knew what would come next.

"But I should have known. I should have guessed what was going to happen! I was her son for god's sake and if I hadn't… If I…" Castiel broke down in tears once again and, this time, it was Dean's turn to comfort him.

"It's okay. I don't blame you. I never will, and I know that she isn't either. She loved you Cas." He said and they both smiled when they thought about how she would always call Castiel 'Cas' even when they barely knew each other. Dean had taken that nickname from her when she'd died. _"In honor of her."_ As the younger Dean had thought on the funeral. It was hard for both of them to imagine that it had already been a decade.

"Thank you." Castiel whispered and sighed, "I think I needed to hear that."

Neither of them said anything about that they had had this exact conversation many times before. But maybe that didn't matter.

They stood there, hugging, comforting each other until the tears stopped falling and the sulking slowly faded out.

When they both turned quiet they broke the hug and just looked at each other. Dean felt almost awkward. He hadn't let himself cry in anyone's presence for years, and the fact that Castiel was the one he let it all out for was, in a way, surprising. He had thought that he would have been able to hold it in until he met up with Sam later, but apparently, that wasn't the case.

"I um… We should go. Sam's waiting." Dean said and picked up the flowers from the table. Castiel nodded and followed him as they walked out the door and down to the street. Dean handed the flowers to Castiel as he sat down in the driver-seat of the Impala.

The ride took about two hours (including a lunch break) and none of them uttered more than the most casual subjects.

"Nice weather."

"Yeah. I hear it's gonna be even warmer in July."

"This burger wasn't that good."

"I agree. Also I don't like to think bout dead things right now."

"Thanks for reminding me."

"Sorry."

"Did you catch that movie last night?"

"Dean we live in the same apartment…"

"Oh yeah. Did you like it?"

"I was in my room sleeping."

"Really? I didn't notice."

"You never do."

When they arrived they hadn't spoken in more than half and hour. Dean had felt that it would be wrong to put on music, so the only noise they had heard in that time was the sound of the Impala against the long, asphalt motorway. Dean hadn't complained, but he had often glanced at Castiel only to see that he was looking out the window and not at him. That shouldn't have disappointed him, should it?

He had wondered if Cas was thinking about her - After all they had known each other for a long time – and it had almost made him break down in tears again when old memories flashed by his mind.

Making snow angels in the backyard and smell of hot chocolate.

Her perfume and a warm summer breeze against his cheek.

Police sirens and a dead body.

Dean shivered.

No, not now. He had thought and blinked a couple of times.

* * *

Dean closed the car door behind him and walked in to the graveyard. It was a familiar sight now and he knew exactly where to go. Castiel slowly followed. He seemed reluctant, like there was something holding him back from walking.

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean asked as he walked up to him.

"I just… You can go. I'll join you in a minute." He said looking down on the ground. He handed Dean the flowers, which already were looking a little withered, without looking at Dean.

Dean took them and walked the 200 yards to the grave without asking. He had expected that this would be hard for Castiel and he didn't really want what had happened in the kitchen to happen again. Not in public.

Sam was there, looking as red-eyed as he had always done this day of the year. He had already put a candle on the ground beneath the grey stone and lit it. It was a blue one with a cent of… lavender, Dean figured. She had loved those kinds of candles apparently and of course Sam was the one who remembered that and bought one.

"Hi." Dean said as he put the flowers down.

"Yeah. Hi." Sam said and opened his arms as to give Dean a hug. Dean didn't really feel like hugging but he still gave in and gave Sam the fastest one possible.

"So… Long time no see." Sam said and laughed a bit.

"I've been busy, sorry." Dean answered and looked down on the ground.

"Really? What could you be doing that takes up a lot of time? I mean it's not your job. No offence…"

"I've been busy. Isn't that a good enough answer?" Dean started to get a little angry. It was not like Sam to stick his nose into Dean's business.

"Well no. We haven't spoken to each other in months- Well, until I called you last night about meeting here- What the hell have you been up to, that is, apparently, more important than your own brother?"

Dean didn't really know what to answer. Had he been that caught up in trying to get close to Castiel again?

It suddenly hit him that he hadn't even told Sam that he was living with someone. Even less that that person was Castiel.

Fuck.

He pulled Sam a few steps away from the grave since he didn't want to fight in front of her.

"I need to tell you something."

* * *

When Dean had left, Castiel sat down on a bench nearby. He hadn't thought going back here would give him so many memories. But it had. Everywhere there were things making him jerk away and wanting to turn back, home where it was safe.

They had driven by the park and Castiel had seen the tree where the 'cool kids' in high school had used to be standing. Drinking, smoking and picking on everyone nearby. Typical bullies, as Dean had called them back then.

He had seen some of the houses on the street where they both had lived. The seemed newly renovated and looked nothing like they had before.

He had seen the library where he had stayed so many late nights when he could not flee to Deans house.

He had seen the little café where Dean and him had been on their first date and it made him melancholic, because it made him feel happy remembering. But when he looked at Dean all he could feel was sorrow, but also an ache of getting things back the way they had been. They hadn't been that bad, had they?

Castiel had thought about pointing the café out to Dean, but when he saw that a sign on it that said "Café Gâteau closing. Premise rented from April 1st," he decided not to. It felt kind of like a metaphor for their relationship and Castiel felt that it wouldn't be right to make him even sadder today.

After all he had loved that place.

He had wondered if Dean had noticed any of it, but when had he looked up Dean just had a straight face, completely concentrated on the road, so Castiel had stayed quiet and looked out the window again.

But when Dean had gone Castiel sat down and looked around. There was something about this place. It didn't feel right, like he should run away. Far away. Everything he saw around him made memories come to the surface and suddenly he was shaking. He felt like he couldn't breathe. There was no air.

"No. Dean. Help." He managed to get out. But it was no louder than a whisper.

He tried to shut out his feelings, tried to close his eyes, to not remember, tried to breathe. Nothing worked.

_The coffin was black and shone in the warm sunlight. This was a happy day for most people but not for them._

_And this was all his fault._

_She was in there and he was to blame._

"No." He said again. He tried to snap out of it. This wasn't unusual for Castiel and it got easier and easier every time. But now he was here. The exact same place as the memories. He knew where he had been standing and he could almost see the people. See the footprints that the men holding the coffin left behind.

_He met Dean's gaze. He was red, eyed and wore a smoking that fit him perfectly. But Castiel could not think that. Not today. Not ever._

_He searched in the crowd for her face. He wanted her to just be there and comfort him. He didn't want to believe that it was her they followed to the grave._

_Castiel shook his head, closed his eyes. But the pictures were still very clear. It was like he could smell all the flowers, feel the sunlight on his skin._

_He had no tears left. When they threw dirt onto the coffin he just felt empty. Dean's had searched for his, but he pulled away._

_This was his fault…_

He managed to close his eyes, trying har to think about everything else.

_Think about pie... _He thought and concentrated on the image of it, on him and Dean eating it last week because his boss had said "It's on the house."

And then as quickly as it had come, it was all over.

He could open his eyes to see the gravel beneath his shoes, and feel the cold wind, that played with his hair. He was almost out of breath and he had to blink a couple of times to truly get back to reality and then, he could relax.

His left hand got down to his pocket to get up the pack of cigarettes, but then he stopped himself.

Not here, he thought. He could take one later. That was the least he could do for her. He knew she would have disapproved if she had been there.

He sat on the bench for a while, playing Snake on his phone while trying to sort out his thoughts. He would definitely ask Dean if they could go soon. He wanted to stay here as little time as possible since he didn't want what had just happened to happen again.

He also regretted not buying anything. He had always come here before with drawings, flowers, candy or just to talk to her – Although he had never told anyone about that, not even Dean - But now he had nothing and his hand suddenly felt so empty.

* * *

He had just lost for the ninth time when a loud "What!?" interrupted his thoughts. He realized that something had happened and that he should probably get back to Dean.

"Dean?" He shouted as he quickly walked to the place where he knew the gravestone was placed.

"Here Cas!" Dean shouted back and he could see him standing with a really tall man a few yards away.

When he got closer he realized that the tall man was, in fact, Sam. Dean had said he would come but he had never imagined him to look this different. When he met Sam last he was just a little taller than Dean.

"Hello, Sam." Castiel said as he walked up to them, not really sure what to do. A handshake seemed to formal, but a hug was too much.

"Ehm. Hi Castiel." Sam answered. He looked angry. Angry and surprised, but he tried to smile and be polite. Castiel had seen that look before. He guessed that him and Dean had had a fight. Probably about him, and the fact that he was living with Dean even though he had left him and Castiel had had no idea where he had been for three years.

_Keep calm._ Castiel though. This was not the time nor place to get angry. Besides he had forgiven Dean he knew the reasons Dean had had to act the way he did.

They just stood there in an awkward silence for a while until Dean cleared his throat.

"Yeah. So we're here for a reason."

Castiel nodded and Dean put down the flowers by the stone beside a lit candle.

"Anyone who wants to say anything?" Dean asked.

"Happy birthday… Um… We miss you." Sam said. Something Castiel guessed he said every year but it still made all their eyes fill with tears.

"Yeah. I- I got into law school, it's really fun." Sam stuttered and stroke away a few tears. Castiel thought he should probably say something to.

"Hi. I'm… I'm here again. It was while ago and I'm sorry for not visiting more often. I work at a café called The Little Chair. Life is fine."

Dean laughed as he reached out for Castiel's hand. This time Castiel took it and gave it a slight squeeze.

"I um… I found Castiel again." Dean said with a smile and held up their entwined hands.

"Yeah. Yeah you did." Castiel said.

Sam gave them a short nod. He maybe hadn't gotten over that they were living together yet but he seemed to respect their choices. For now. Dean gave Sam an appreciating look. Their fight seemed to be over.

"Maybe we should grab a coffee and catch up… In another town." Castiel suggested and the brothers agreed. This was enough sadness for a whole month and they could use some cheering up.

"Bye." They all said as they turned away to go tho their cars. Dean and Sam went before Castiel, who put his had on the name on the stone and stroke the letters. They had faded a bit since the last time he was here. He sighed and stood up.

"We'll be back next year. Maybe." He said and hurried to Dean's side. He looked down on the ground all the way to not steer up anymore memories and when they drove away he put on one of the tapes Dean had in his car. He smiled at him and it made Castiel a little happier. Tat least they had each other right?

* * *

The cold gravestone looked at them as they walked away.

If it could, it would have smiled. She would have smiled as her two boys walked away hand in hand. Together again. She always knew they couldn't keep away from each other, even if they were not yet together at the time she was alive.

Yes. If Mary Winchester had been alive she would have smiled.

But luck had not been on her side that day.

And now she was just a distant memory. A cold gravestone instead of the warm, happy person she had once been. She had been the mother of 'her three boys', as she had called them back then, and a also savior of so many lives. She had been loved and she had been hated as anyone else.

And now Dean didn't even remember how her voice sounded anymore.


	5. Family Differences

**1987**

**April**

Castiel rang the doorbell and as soon as Dean opened a big dog threw himself over him. Castiel smiled and laughed loudly as he almost fell over. He loved this dog. He loved this family. More than anything in the world.

"Hello Bones! Hi buddy! Can I come in? Yeah? Who's a good boy?"

Castiel got up on his feet and went inside, the dog followed behind him.

"Hi Castiel!" Dean said with a smile and took a step towards him, almost as if to give him a hug. Castiel instinctively took a step back and started, as fast as he could, to take of his shoes instead.

"Hello Dean." He said, starring down on the floor, with a feeling of self-consciousness starting to surround him.

Dean waited for Castiel without a word, but he could not see weather he was sad about the not-hugging or not.

"Um… Wanna go do some homework?" Dean said to break the silence.

"Sure." Castiel answered and stood up avoiding Dean's gaze.

They tried to do some math for a while. Dean didn't understand dividing at all at Castiel got nowhere in teaching him.

"But let's say that I have four pies."

"Yeah…"

"And then I wanted to give half of them to you. How many would I give you?"

"Why would you want to give away pie? Pie is like the best thing ever!"

"That's not the point Dean it's math."

"But math's stupid!"

"Maybe, but we have homework. We need to do our homework or Mrs. Pamela will be angry with us!"

"I don't care!"

Castiel gasped. Was Dean really that ignorant? How could he not care about school? Sure they were only in 4th grade but their grades would determine their whole future! Castiel didn't want Dean to end up homeless on the street like all the people he had seen begging for money in the city. His mom had said that they were not worthy of theirs, so Castiel would never give them any.

_"They will only buy drugs for it. Which probably is why they lost their homes and all their respect in the first place. And they're all doomed to go to hell anyways so why should we bother with them?" _She had told him one time.

Castiel didn't want Dean to go to hell.

He sat in silence for a moment trying to process his thoughts, but before he could worn Dean he had shut his math-book and sighed.

"Well I'm bored. Let's play superheroes!" He said and at the same time got up on his feet to go and get his toys.

"Oh… Okay." Castiel said and looked down at Dean's unfinished homework. He didn't really want to bother Dean either; maybe he wouldn't like Castiel anymore then. So when Dean came back he instead asked:

"Can I be superman?"

Dean nodded and smiled.

"Sure. I'm Batman."

* * *

"And schwooosh you're going into the building and break all the things!"

"But then I use my SUPER COOL LASER EYES to set you on fire!"

"Oh yeah? I use my…" A loud knock on the door got the boys out of their fantasy world and they put the action figures down on the floor. The door opened to reveal John, followed by a delicious smell of food from downstairs.

"Dinner's ready!" He said and gestured for them to go down to the dinner table. "You're welcome to stay too if you like Castiel. But we have guest just so you know."

Castiel nodded.

"I'll call Mother." He said and stood up.

"Who is it?" Dean asked as the went down the stairs.

"Oh you'll see!" John answered just as the door opened.

"Uncle Bobby!" Dean laughed and ran down to give him a hug. Bobby put his big arms around him and smiled widely.

"Hey there boy!"

"Hello Bobby." Dean said again, as his uncle put him down, and then got a concerned look on his face.

"You smell weird."

"Really?" Bobby asked with played surprise.

"That might be my fault!" A woman said as went inside. She wore a uniform, which Castiel could see was from the police, and she had a sense of pride and duty in her eyes.

"I forced him to wash that smelling body of his. Great right?" She continued. Bobby frowned and rolled his eyes.

"This is chief Jody Mills. And she's here with Bobby." Mary explained as they all went into the dining room.

"What. Like his girlfriend?" Dean asked.

"Yeah."

Dean frowned and looked at Castiel "Gross." He whispered.

"What if he gets girl-germs?" He laughed.

"Ew!" Castiel replied and they giggled for a minute.

"I'm just gonna call home." Castiel then said and pointed at the phone laying on a little table in the living room.

"Okay. Tell me what they said after. I'm in the kitchen with the boring grow-ups."

"Sure." Castiel said and they went separate ways. As he dialed the number he almost prayed for it to be his dad and not his mother who would answer the phone. The outcome of the call would be much more pleasant if it were to be his dad.

"Caelum house!" A male voice answered. Castiel breathed out. This could work.

"Hi Dad. It's me Cas. I just wondered if I could stay at Deans house for dinner?"

"Yeah. 'Course you can. I hadn't planned anything special for dinner anyway. I'll pick you up at seven okay?"

Castiel smiled. He really loved his dad. He was so nice and always let him do things. His mother would not approve though.

"Thanks dad!" He said and put down the phone. But the he hesitated and quickly added:

"Love you!"

He could hear his father laugh to himself as he once again put down the phone and breathed out once again. He had not been this happy in days.

* * *

"And so he says: They weren't there in the first place!"

As Jody ends whatever story she was telling laughter spreads across the room. Castiel is almost overwhelmed by how loud and genuine it is. He hasn't heard something like that very often.

"It's okay for me to stay." He says, by which John gets up to make the table for one more and Mary gets a chair. He sits down between Dean and Bobby. Dean smells like Dean and Bobby smells like soap. Something he apparently didn't usually smell like. Castiel didn't want to know what the 'usually' was. What smelled most though, was the food. Castiel could hear his stomach roar and inhaled deeply. He hoped that it thaatsed as well as it smelled.

"Hey there boy," Bobby said when Castiel sat down. "I'm Bobby, family friend."

"But more like family." Dean added.

"This is my… girlfriend Jody." He said and gestured to the woman with the uniform, as frowned and looked very unhappy.

"Don't you like her?" Castiel asked. The adults laughed and Castiel looked at Dean, who shrugged. Had he said something funny?

"He just doesn't like to call us a couple." Jody explained and Castiel nodded. He understood that very well. He didn't really like to call his dad and mother a couple either. They didn't seem to like each other very much. Though this was not the case with Jody and Bobby. They talked and laughed and seemed very much in love. Castiel wondered what that felt like.

"Here comes the sta-ake!" Mary almost sang and Dean frowned, much like Bobby, embarrassed.

"It looks good." Castiel said and looked eagerly at the big clump of meat.

"Thank you Cas!" Mary said as she put it down on the table. "I hope you'll like."

"We will!" Dean and Castiel said at the same time.

They started giving out pieces of it to everyone – guest first of course – and soon everyone had a lovely plate of steaming hot food in front of them.

"Let's eat!" Mary said and they all started stuffing food in their mouths. Castiel was still a bit uncomfortable about not saying grace before eating but he did it in his head and hoped that his mother would never find out about it.

The conversation was light at the dinner table and a few laughs were shared. Castiel mostly talked to Dean about school and videogames. He also told Dean about books he'd read, but Dean didn't really care for books and the conversation quickly turned back to school.

"You know Jo?" Dean said.

"Yeah. She seems like a nice girl." Castiel answered, not really sure where the conversation was going. He had never really spoken to her and he had never seen Dean do either.

Dean hesitated before he spoke.

"I think I like her." He then said. If the lights hadn't been very dim Castiel would have sworn that he could see him blush.

"Why?" Castiel asked, slightly offended by Dean's sudden confession. Weren't _they_ supposed to be best friends?

"She's cute… And funny!" Dean whispered and smiled. Castiel looked down at the floor.

"Okay." He only said.

"Do… Do you think I should ask her out?"

"I dunno." Castiel answered with a shrug. He wanted to say no, but that would be rude. But he wasn't happy about it and his mother had always told him to tell the truth. She had also told Castiel to not say stupid things, and this maybe was. So he kept his mouth shut.

"Do you think she likes me?" Dean continued, apparently not aware of Castiel's feelings, and took another baked potato, which he ate almost like someone who had never seen food before.

"Sure."

"Okay. But do you think she like likes me?"

"I don't know." Castiel sighed.

"And what are you little boys talking about?" Mary said with a loud voice and everyone's faces turned to them.

"Nothing!" Dean quickly lied and blushed once again. Castiel nodded.

"Because we were just talking about how nice it is that you are so good friends!" She smiled and looked very proud.

"She said you both won the school mini-Olympics in tennis today." Jody said. Dean suddenly straightened his back and looked very proud himself.

"Yes we did. We were playing against two of the older kids – they were really stupid, thought they were cool or something – and I served and then Castiel hit the ball really hard and they just stood there and we got medals! I can show you!" Dean laughed and ran up to his room to get his medal. All thoughts bout Jo seemed to have vanished and Castiel felt weirdly happy.

"Did you really do that, son?" Bobby asked, looking very proud, which surprised Castiel because they didn't even know each other and he certainly wasn't his son. He was the son of Chuck Shirley as far as he knew.

But it also made him happy, because when he looked around everyone was smiling and didn't seem to wanting criticize him at all. But he doubted that they wouldn't stay for long. They would realize how mediocre he was soon enough.

"Yeah I did." He answered shyly and shrugged. "Nothing special."

"Oh I'm sure it was." Jody said. "You kicked those older kids butts!"

Castiel laughed.

"You said butts." He mumbled, but luckily no one heard.

"Yeah you sure did." John laughed. By then Dean had come back with his medal. He handed it over to John, who was the closest and it went around for all to marvel over.

"Castiel got one too!" He said with a smirk and put his left arm around Castiel's shoulder almost like a mini-hug.

"That's so cool!" Jody said when she looked at the simple, green tape of fabric on which a little less simple, disk of not-gold-but-gold-paint-on-probably-plastic-or-cheap-metal that was handed out on any school contest. This one had a print of a tennis-player doing a serve.

It was now Castiel's turn to blush. He was really not used to getting as many compliments as he did from the people sitting around that table, and he felt a warm feeling spread through his body. He had actually done something that someone was proud of.

Finally, He thought. He would definitely tell his parents when he got home.

They talked about the tennis for a while and then the adults started talking about more 'adult' things. Mary happily declared that she had got the job that Jody apparently had said was available.

"It's not much but I will at least have a salary." She smiled as her and John took away the dinner to serve dessert. "And since I have some experience after working at the hospital I might even get to go out and arrest people!"

"It isn't really as glamorous as it sounds." Jody said with a shrug at Mary's enthusiastic comment. "It can actually be really hard at times. Those bastards wont do as you tell them and hell, when you bring out your gun even less so."

Mary's smile faded a little but she still looked excited.

"Well I'm always up for a challenge!"

"Oh come on Jody! Don't be such a party pooper!" Bobby laughed but got interrupted by Dean.

"You have a gun?"

"Yeah you wanna see?" Jody asked.

Mary got a concerned look in her eyes and stiffened in her chair

"I'm not sure if…"

"Come on! It's not loaded and besides it's just a minor Taser-gun. It'll knock you out but it won't really hurt you."

Mary sighed and both Dean and Jody took that as a yes and Dean got up from his chair to take a closer look.

Castiel felt very unease. Guns were dangerous things, they could kill you, or even worse; Hurt you, but not so bad that you fainted, just so that all you could even acknowledge was pain. He had seen about it on the TV and his mom had told him stories about what had happened to her dad during the Second World War. She had also told him that a single gunshot could break out the Third World War, and as it was now between USA and Russia that would probably happen and then they would all die or end up like her father. He didn't want Jody's gun to start the Third World War.

He nervously looked up at the big clock standing in the dining room. It showed 6.56 pm. His dad would come to the house in about four minuets. He sighed out in relief. That much couldn't happen in four minuets could it?

It could. But it didn't. Dean quickly grew tired of the gun and wen back to his seat. The adults went back to talking about adult things and Sam was as quiet as he had been all dinner, silently making a mess with his vanilla ice cream just as any other four-year-old would.

Dean and Castiel had just started talking about something when there was a knock on the door. Castiel's mood sank down to the ground as he stood up and walked with Dean to get the door. It was his dad, just as he had expected, because it was exactly 7pm and Chuck was never late. Castiel didn't want to go home.

"Hey there Dean! Hello son! You had a good time?" He said with a tired smile. He seemed as stressed out as always and it made Castiel remember why he was never late. It made him sad to look at him. He wished that his dad could take a day off work or two. He rarely went on a holiday. He just sat in his office at home stressing about getting out another article or finishing chapter in his book. When he didn't write he was out collecting fats about all that he could have any use for, whether it would be about different kinds of flowers or how to kill someone with a butter knife.

He did take his time to be with his family sometimes, but, even then, he looked stressed and like he'd rather be somewhere else. Though he always told Castiel that he was happy to be with them and he wished, he really wished, that Chuck told the truth.

"Yes." Dean and Castiel answered at the same time.

"We had a really good time, sir!" Dean said to keep up the conversation, while Castiel put on his shoes. Chuck chuckled and shook his head.

"Call me Chuck…"

"Dean." Dean said.

"Dean, you can call me Chuck." Chuck said with another tired smile.

"All right-y!" Dean smiled. None of them could come up with anything to say after that, so they just stood there in a bit of an awkward silence.

Castiel noticed the situation and jumped up to them on one foot while putting on his other shoe at the same time.

"We won a medal in school today." He said with a proud smile.

"Nice. But could you hurry? This goes on my dinner brake."

Castiel's smile faded. Of course his father wouldn't care. Why had he thought anything else? It was just a stupid medal.

"Sure." He said and stood up. He tied his shoe as quickly as he could and then hurried out the door.

"Good bye, Dean." He said and not sure what to do. Should they just go? Should they shake hands? It all felt so pretty weird when his father was there watching them, because he usually walked home alone and then he said bye and just walked away.

He went for a wave as him and his father turned around to go home.

"Bye, Castiel!" Dean said and Castiel could hear the door close behind him.

They hurried home so that Chuck could get back to work and as soon as they got inside he ran to his work-room with a plate of not-so-hot-anymore food in is hands.

Castiel hung up his jacket and took off his shoes, which he put in a perfect line with all the other shoes. He could hear noise from the living room, it sounded like one of those comedy shows, with fake-laughter, and he went there.

"Hello mother." He said and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. His mom didn't answer and just laughed at something someone said in the show.

Castiel was used to this and started to unpack his bag instead. He got a hold of some book, which he put on the table in front of him.

"You'll take that up to your room later right?" His mother asked without taking her eyes off the TV.

"Yeah." Castiel answered and looked though the books. The math book wasn't there.

Damn… I mean 'No', He thought and was glad his mother couldn't hear his thoughts. He had known that he had forgot something. He would have to call Dean in the morning.

The TV went to commercial and his mother turned to him.

"So how was your day?" She asked.

"Fine." Castiel answered and continued to unpack his bag.

"Hey! Look at me when I talk to you!"

Castiel sighed and tried to not sound angry.

"My day was fine, mother."

"Good. I hope that you have done your homework at Dean's."

"Yes."

"Where's your math-book?"

"I… forgot it. I'm sorry, I'll call Dean tomorrow."

"That's what one could expect from you. Of course." His mother sighed and rolled her eyes.

Castiel stiffened and pressed his teeth together to stay silent.

The show started again and his mother went back to ignoring him.

He stood up and went to hang up his backpack. He took out the medal and a drawing he had made earlier that day and went back to the living room to get his homework.

When he bent down to pick up the books the shiny medal caught the ray of a lamp in the room and send it right in Castiel's mother's eyes. He jerked away and hoped that his mother hadn't noticed.

She hadn't and he silently tried to sneak out the room, but his mother stopped him.

"Castiel?" She said.

"What is it mother?" He said, disappointed, and turned around.

"What's that?" She said and pointed at the medal in Castiel's hands.

"It's a medal. We won." Castiel said with a small smile.

"You won? Gold?" She asked, surprised.

"Yeah!" Castiel said with, now with a wider smile. Maybe she would actually care. Maybe it wasn't just Dean's family who was weird for appreciating it. Maybe he was actually good.

"Well that's something I'll never see again." His mother muttered and went back to look at her program.

Castiel's heart sank to the ground. He had been very wrong. Of course his mother was right, he wouldn't bring one of those home again.

He went up to his room, trying not to cry. Having a lump in his throat, which just wanted to come up as a sulk. He ran the last steps, changed his mind in the last minuet and went to the bathroom instead. He closed the door quietly behind him and locked it. He could finally relax and breathe. He could feel the tears start streaming down his face and soon he was shaking. But he was carful not to make any noise.

"Stupid, STUPID, _STUPID!_" He whispered put his arms around himself. He had been foolish for believing that he was any good at all, that that stupid medal was anything special. That he was.

"I hate you!" He said and took up the medal to look at it. A stupid little disc of fake-gold. He felt the rage flow up in him and he put up the toilet lid and threw the medal in the water. He then flushed and watched as the green ribbon turned round and around to then disappear.

When it was gone he sat down and put his arms around himself again and cried uncontrollably.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." He muttered between the sulks. He wished so bad that Dean's family was right. That they had done well. That he was worthy of the medal. But his parents didn't care and they were always right.

He had been so stupid for hoping, so stupid for believing. He wanted Dean to be there. He wanted to talk to him and hug him and play superheroes with him. But he knew that Dean probably was having a great time with his family. He was probably playing with Bones or something.

After a while, when he had finally calmed down and stopped crying, he got up on his feet and went into his room. The walls were plain and cold and there was a lack of toys that you wouldn't see in many eight-year-old's rooms. Only a bit of Lego lay on the floor and some action heroes stood in a bookshelf, there were also some old Barbie dolls there, but, even though Castiel promised to be careful, his mother always told him that he couldn't play with them. All the other toys she had sold because "We should not care so much about the materialistic" something that Castiel translated to "I need more money to buy things I want". Like she didn't have enough.

Castiel lay down in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe if he thought happy thoughts he would get some sleep.


End file.
